Martha Stewart is scheduled to be sentenced this Friday and Linda is practically giddy with anticipation. She greeted me this morning with a squeal of excitement and a handful of chocolate bears. After she left, Mark and Dave peeked over the cube walls with cocked eyebrows. They couldn't understand why Linda was so enthused by Martha's misfortune. I shooed them away, but I could understand their curiosity.

I can't explain Linda's enthusiasm either. She holds a mountain of animosity towards the homemaking maven, but she has yet to divulge the history of that hatred. I've tried to figure it out, but I haven't had any luck and personally I don't care about that anymore. I just care that Linda's happy and if news of Martha Stewart's sentencing makes her happy, then that's just fine with me.

Linda sent me this article about proposed beer warning labels:

Due to increasing products liability litigation, American beer brewers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to remove your clothes and run around naked.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to believe you are invincible, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary.