I was at the copier when Andrea crept up behind me and whispered "pooka, pooka, pooka." The words caused me to gasp and I momentarily surrendered my heart to fear. Then I remembered where I had originally heard "pooka, pooka, pooka" and my fear suddenly melted away. I turned around and smirked at Andrea and she smirked back at me.
We were off on a mission. We carefully zigzagged through the aisles and made our way towards the "pooka" sound. As surmised, it was coming from Linda's cube. We stopped short of the entrance and peeked over the cube wall. There inside the cube, Linda was repeatedly attacking her Martha Stewart dart board with a handful of darts.
As we entered her cube, Linda gave us a maniacal stare. I asked her what she was doing. She grinned and showed me the obliterated dart board. I nodded my head and told her it looked nice. She cackled a loud laugh that made me jump and that in turn made her laugh even louder.
When she regained composure, she showed us her new Martha Stewart dart board. The surface of the dart board shows Martha's tearful face as she's getting plowed from behind by a muscular female inmate with a strap-on. We "broke in" the new dart board with a couple of games and then we took Linda out for some ice cream. She in turn treated us to this funny story later in the day:
A couple went golfing one day at a very exclusive course lined with million dollar homes. On the third tee, the husband cautioned, "Honey, be careful when you drive. If we break one of those windows it'll cost us a fortune to repair."
Of course, she teed off and promptly shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringed, "I warned you to watch out! Now we'll have to go up there and apologize and see how much that lousy drive is going to cost us."
They walked up, knocked on the door, and a warm voice said, "Come on in." When they opened the door they saw glass all over the place and a broken antique bottle lying on its side near the broken window. A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke the window?"
"Uh, yeah, we're sure sorry about that." the husband replied.
"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, and I'll keep the last one for myself."
"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."
"No problem," said the genie, "You've got it. I have already put a million dollars in your bank account. It's the least I can do."
"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked.
"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world." she said.
"Consider it done. The deeds are now in your name," the genie said.
"And now," the couple both asked in unison, "what's your wish, genie?"
"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife."
The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"
She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering all that, I guess I wouldn't mind."
The genie and the woman went upstairs where he ravished her for the rest of the afternoon. Both satisfied each other repeatedly, and afterwards, the genie rolled over and looked at the wife and asked, "How old are you and your husband?
"Why, we're both 35." she responded breathlessly.
"No shit! Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?"
Talk show guests for tomorrow, Thursday July 22nd
Conan O'Brien: Halle Berry, Christopher Meloni
Craig Kilborn: Mark Consuelos
David Letterman: Matt Damon, the Hives
Ellen DeGeneres: Rebecca Romijn-Stamos, Dakota Fanning (R)
Jay Leno: Julia Stiles, "Jeopardy" champ Ken Jennings, Dashboard Confessional
Jimmy Kimmel: Kaley Cuoco, David Arquette
Regis and Kelly: Halle Berry, Kevin Lyttle
Sharon Osbourne: Sharon looks back at some of her rockin' girl guests!
The View: Peter Boyle, Bridget Marks