Warning - The following entry contains some nasty stuff.

Obscene images of Felicia's butt filled my head. She was wearing a tight black skirt that showed off her curves everytime she reached for the slides on the overhead. I wasn't paying any attention to those slides. My mind was elsewhere, measuring the proximity of her ass to those around her. I just couldn't seem to shake the image of that day when she deliberately flatulated into Chelsea's face.

As she was giving her presentation, I wondered if she was secretly emitting noxious fumes in controlled spurts, in order to weaken the individuals in the room, as opposed to killing them with an outright lethal dose. I know that sounds stupid, but see how strongly that image pervaded my thoughts. It caused my mind to wander and explore highly inane scenarios such as that.

My eyes were still on Felicia's ass when Robin leaned over and whispered something in my ear. I shrugged my shoulder because her lips were so close and her breath was so hot and moist, it almost felt like she had been licking it. She leaned in again when I turned to look at her. Her face was only an inch away from mine, but she didn't pull back. She just started saying something and I could feel the warmth of her breath on my lips. I'm not sure what she said, but she smiled afterwards when she pulled back. Maybe because she saw the expression on my face. The scent of her perfume and the warmth and closeness of her body made me lightheaded. I must have looked funny.

Talk show guests for tomorrow, Friday July 30th
Conan O'Brien: Lindsay Lohan, Randy Jackson, Patti Smith (R)
Craig Kilborn: Carmen Electra, surfer Laird Hamilton, Old 97's
Daily Show: Coverage of the Democratic National Convention
David Letterman: Rosie Perez, Greg Giraldo
Ellen DeGeneres: Jessica Simpson, Nick Lachey, Henry Winkler, Hugh Darcy (R)
Jay Leno: Jamie Foxx, Bryce Dallas Howard, Dwight Yoakam
Jimmy Kimmel: George Eads, Slipknot
Last Call: Dylan McDermott, Andy Dick, Greg Giraldo, Lloyd Banks (R)
Regis and Kelly: Matt Damon
Sharon Osbourne: Steven Schirripa, Chaka Khan, Hal Sparks, David Carradine (R)
The View: Dennis Miller, "Travel Mom" Emily Kaufman