Can you smell it? The acrid smell of Susan's puke. Maybe it's only me. I just emptied her puke bucket.

Susan is splayed across our sofa, half naked and drunk. She came here early this morning, wasted out of her mind, mumbling how she fucked things up. I think it has something to do with what Helen told me last week. She said that Susan was chasing after another married guy. I told her that she was mistaken, because Susan was seeing Ryan now. Helen said she heard it straight from Susan's own lips.

Ryan is the hot single guy that Susan has been seeing the past three weeks. Last week she told Janine and me that she was moving in with him when her lease expires. Then a few days later, she tells Helen that she's falling for a married guy. That doesn't make any sense. So she's going to try to ruin another marriage and break the heart of the guy that she just met three weeks ago. Why would she do that? Why would she let a good thing like Ryan go? According to her, he's been perfect. It just doesn't make sense. Why would she go after another married guy? Why would she intentionally try to break up another marriage?

I think she needs professional help. We can't help her. She doesn't listen to us. The only reason she's here on our sofa is because we didn't want her out on the streets driving around drunk. She needs professional help. Yeah, that’s what we’re going to tell her. She needs to get her shit together and see someone that can help her get past this destructive behavior.

Talk show guests for tomorrow, Monday August 30th
Conan O'Brien: Eric Bana, Amy Poehler, Sondre Lerche (R)
Craig Kilborn: Lesley Stahl, Kevin Dillon, Butch Bradley (R)
Daily Show: Indecision 2004: Midway to the Election Spectacular
David Letterman: LL Cool J, Carly Patterson, Jeff Foxworthy
Ellen DeGeneres: Steve Martin, Jon Cryer (R)
Jay Leno: Dave Chappelle, Toots & the Maytals, Bonnie Raitt
Jimmy Kimmel: Bob Odenkirk, Mary Lou Retton, the Libertines (R)
Last Call: Brittany Murphy, Gavin DeGraw
Regis and Kelly: Relly Award Nominees
Sharon Osbourne: Sara Rue, Gia Bella (R)
The View: Paul Hamm, Morgan Hamm, Cynthia Nixon