Bondage Girl came over today and asked me if she could have another package delivered to our address. I asked her why she didn't want it delivered to her own address and she gave me this funny look. Like I should know why.

What was that look? Does she know that we opened her package? Her big box of sex. I hope not. That would be embarrassing.

Anyway, she explained that the package contains some sensitive stuff that she doesn't want her mom to see. I felt bad, but I had to tell her that we couldn't get involved.

We don't want to be contributing to the delinquency of a minor, but I’d sure like to know what she ordered this time.

On an unrelated note, Linda sent us some management lessons today:

Lesson No.1
A crow was sitting in a tree, doing nothing all day.
A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "I'd love to sit like you and do nothing all day long. Can I have a seat?"
The crow answered, "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.


Lesson No.2
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a week, there he was, proudly perched at the top of the tree. The next day, a farmer spotted him and shot him.

Management Lesson:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.


Lesson No.3
When the body was first created, all the body parts wanted to be Boss.
The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions." The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money." And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time, the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work, while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!

Management Lesson:
You don't need brains to be a Boss - any asshole will do.

Talk show guests for tomorrow, Thursday September 2nd
Conan O'Brien: Dave Chappelle, Rose Byrne
Craig Kilborn: Indiana Pacer Reggie Miller, Dave Foley, Adam Hunter (R)
Daily Show: Sen. John McCain
David Letterman: Tim Russert, Snow Patrol
Ellen DeGeneres: Justin Timberlake (R)
Jay Leno: Ellen DeGeneres, Justin Gatlin, Stephen Curtis Chapman, Mercy Me, Third Day
Jimmy Kimmel: Julie Delpy, Sacha Baron Cohen, Incubus (R)
Last Call: Chris Whitcomb, Judah Friedlander, Secret Machines
Regis and Kelly: Funniest Guest; Best Dance Performance.
Sharon Osbourne: Favorite interviews with famous men (R)
The View: Jason Bateman, Mary Matalin, Dr. Daniel Yamini