Susan came by last night and showed us her new boobs. She got them a week after I left for vacation. Tyler made her do it. He said he would leave his wife for her, if she got breast implants. That was then, but now he says he wants to wait until January before he tells his wife. Yeah right and when January rolls around, he'll say that he wants to wait until June and so on and so on…

We looked at Susan's boobs and felt them for her. Janine said they looked fine, but I don't know. I thought they were prettier when they had some shape to them. Now they're just two cones jutting out from her chest. Plus, they don't feel anything like they used to feel. They're too firm. I liked them better when they were soft and pliable. I think Susan did too. She frowned when she felt ours and compared them to hers.

I wish she would have waited and told us what she was planning to do. Maybe we could have talked some sense into her.

Talk show guests for tomorrow, Thursday September 30th
Conan O'Brien: James Spader, Kenny Holtz & Spencer Rice
Craig Kilborn: Jennifer Coolidge, Rhona Mitra, Crosby & Nash, guest host Ana Gasteyer
Daily Show: Rudolph Giuliani, Wesley Clark
David Letterman: John Travolta, 39-year-old college football player Tim Frisby, Pearl Jam
Ellen DeGeneres: Lance Armstrong, k.d. lang, Charlotte "Kitty" Pope
Jay Leno: David Spade, Al Franken, Peter Cincotti
Jimmy Kimmel: Marcia Cross, Steve Harvey, Senses Fail
Last Call: Wanda Sykes, Lewis Black, TV on the Radio
Regis and Kelly: Joaquin Phoenix, Sara Rue, Shaquille O'Neal
The View: James Spader, Sela Ward
Tony Danza: Donald Trump, Holly Robinson Peete, Jack LaLanne