I could say this is my 400th entry, but that wouldn't be true. When I broke up with Dean, I decided to control my feelings by writing them down. So I started a paper diary, but I soon abandoned that because I wasn't accustomed to writing stuff by hand. So then I signed onto Diaryland and got myself this diary. Originally the name, Dont-Stop was chosen out of sarcasm, as in "Don't stop now. Come on, hurt me some more." I wrote 42 long heart-soaked entries in here, before I deleted them all and opened this diary to the world.

Things have changed since then. The most significant changes have occurred within the last two months. The questions that had been buzzing around my head have all been resolved. I'm in love with Janine. She truly makes me happy. I guess Betty (sanetwin) and Veronica were right.

Janine and I were instantly attracted to each other, but it was a physical attraction and I was going with Kevin at the time. Plus, Tina had put a bad taste in my mouth with her psychotic behavior, so even though I felt something for Janine, I suppressed it. I've kept my thoughts and feelings to myself all this time. Then in May of this year, when Janine became free again, those feelings bubbled to the surface, but I wasn't sure she felt the same way. She was the perfect friend and I didn't want things to get weird between us, so I kept my mouth shut until our second week of vacation.

We swam out into the ocean and kept going. Neither of us wanted to stop. It's like we were playing chicken with each other. My lungs were burning and the waves were getting bigger. I finally grabbed Janine and pulled her to me. We held onto each other and looked into one another’s eyes. Then we kissed. It was so beautiful and so perfect.

Revealing my love for Janine, here in my diary, has been a really difficult decision, especially since this is my last entry. I'm spending too much time online. Before I had this diary, I only spent a half hour a day and that was mainly to check on stocks, tennis and news. Now I'm spending one to two hours on here and it's all for Diaryland. That's why this 400th entry will be my last. I'm not sure if I'll ever return, but for now, so long and take care, xoxo Beth